Focus on the Family Community: Relationships and Marriage: Could ...

I am divorced. I didnot want it and I still dont but I accept I serve a God who has promises for me even in the midst of what I considered my greatest consequence.. I picked my husband. I thought God did but I now stand in the light and see where darkness and light appear the same in the dark. I was blind. This doesnt make my ex husband evil, it just makes us both sinners who are now suffering from alot of incorrect beliefs... That being that we could serve our flesh and our God and come out unharmed... At one point, we realized we were in trouble, I fell on my face and begged for mercy from God and forgiveness from God and my husband. My husband accepted my confessions, gave God some lip service and when it got hard and he bailed... We both played a role but it seemed the harder I prayed for my marriage; the worse things got... I saw God protecting and Jesus drawing me in as his bride, his daughter, his friend... He gave me EVERYTHING I needed to raise our newborn while my husband blamed and ran... The Holy Spirit began convicting me and taking me deeper and deeper into Gods truths - revealing so many things about my generational sin, shame guilt, lies and false beliefs.. He began to heal me from things I didnt even know were wounds.... Sadly, that sums up the person who chose her husband - a wounded little girl in a 35 year old body... The even sadder part is that I really loved him and still do. I believe God would have honored our marriage had my husband surrendered and I will keep praying for our daughters sake that my marriage be restored as I feel my job for now is to get "my house" in order and wait expectantly for Gods promises to be fulfilled as I let him lead... For now, God keeps refining me and lifting me up as I keep letting go and counting each loss as gain... I dont want to simply my process but I do want to say how simple I believe Gods process is if we get out of the way.. My wilderness experience has been isolating crushing oppressing crippling tumultuous and then its been really really devastating. Ive never known a greater pain than to feel unloved by your husband. BUT what was simple all along that I never saw was the grace power mercy acceptance worth comfort promises guidance and faithfulness of Christ once I got out of the way... I never could have saved my marriage on my own.. My husband would have had to committ to that along with me for it to work.. BUT I could have turned my will over much sooner and had a peace that surpasses all understanding in the midst of the pain... I had peace but it was fleeting as was my hope and strength and acceptance... I would be calm until my husband called after missing for a few days and then youd think I wasnt just praising God for teaching me self control!!!! NOW - I still hurt but I had to come to the end of myself to see it was never in my hands to begin with... The only plan that ever works successfully is the one that is aligned with his will and Ive seen that is rarely theplan we have executed the way we thought in the timing we wanted... He is a faithful God and I found guidance at the Joyce Meyers website that I believe would have helped me see this sooner... I believe FOTF has the best resources and I PRAISE GOD for them because the counselors and articles and marriage retreats did all that they were supposed to.. They built me up in the midst of the storm and they gave me wisdom support insight TRUTHS compassion mercy BUT THEY CANNOT SAVE your marriage.. They can do their part, you can do yours surrendering yourheart and will fully to Christ) and your spouse can choose his path... God is in control and while he doesnt want divorce, he allows free will.. He allowed my husband to choose. He knows my heart and my husbands and he knows we both have SO MUCH CHILDHOOD PAIN... Even so, he is a faithful God who will heal that for all who cry out to him and he still has the final say in how we end up on our knees.. because we all will.. I pray that if you are on the sight, that Joyce Meyers insight in addition to the FOTF resources will help you while you are on your knees to surrender to God and let him transform your heart and mind while HE works on your marriage and your spouse in the way HE CHOOSES... WE ALL have access to his power and NOONE can say its not readily available but only that they didnt choose it.. I pray for each of you that you choose to surrender, to access his power as you try to see beyond the pain to his love and promises.. Its the hardest thing you can do but its not hard for God to empower you if you get out ofhisway... (I often think about how many people have drowned trying to help the lifeguard save them.. They say you are supposed to go limp, fully surrendered to the stronger, qualified rescuer... I am quite certain I would try to assist the life guard as well but when you do, you actually increase significantly the chance of dying and drowning the one trying to save you.. We can never drown God but I do see where had I gotten out ofhis way; I couldhave most likely shown my husband a more stable wife because I would have been resting in the true SAVIOURS arms and peace would have surpassed understanding and thats when we can pour into others... even the ones who are hurting our hearts.?

Source: http://www.focusonlinecommunities.com/thread/22647

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